Are you an introvert who has trouble coming to terms with their introvertism? You’re not alone. Many introverts feel this way—in fact, I once did until . . . I accepted who I was. Then things began to change. I looked at the world differently and used my strengths as an introvert to succeed. Now I’m here to help you do the same.

In this guide for introverts, you’ll learn the most important thing—to accept who you are and thrive.

Introduction

This is a guide for all the introverted souls out there. For those who want to understand themselves better and accept who they are. Being introverted is not a flaw and this guide will help you to believe it. 

By the end of this guide, you’ll be able to:

• Recognise whether you’re an introvert
• Understand introvertism
• Embrace your strengths as an introvert
• Realise and manage the challenges of being an introvert
• Set boundaries as an introvert
• Find yourself
• Accept who you are
• Thrive as an introvert

Are You An Introvert?

If you’re reading this then it’s very likely that you know you’re an introvert, whether you’ve been told by someone or you realise that you value things like deep connections and alone time. But what if you’re still trying to figure it out?

Figuring out if you’re an introvert often comes down to how you feel, both internally and in social situations. It’s how you look at the world, make connections, and recharge. Here are some signs that you’re probably an introvert:

• You actually enjoy being alone.
• You feel drained after socialising and try to avoid too much interaction.
• You prefer deep conversations over small talk.
• You have a small, close-knit circle of friends.
• You feel like you’re ‘in your head’ a lot.
• You need time alone to think and reflect.
• You avoid loud, crowded places and instead prefer quiet, calm environments.
• You’re very self-aware. 

Related: Am I an Introvert? 20 Signs You Are

An Introvert or Shy?

One of the most exasperating things is being called shy purely for being a quiet person. But being an introvert and being shy are two very different things, and whilst introversion and shyness can overlap, if you’re an introvert it doesn’t automatically make you a shy person. Even if you are shy, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. People can be shy for all sorts of different reasons.

Can You Be Both Introverted and Shy?

It’s true that some introverts are shy, but a person can also be:

• An introvert who isn’t shy: They enjoy being alone but can be confident when they do socialise.
• A shy extrovert: They crave social interaction but struggle with anxiety or self-doubt when in social situations.

How to Tell If You’re Shy, Introverted, or Both

If you’re not sure whether you’re just a shy person, introverted or a bit of both, ask yourself:

• Do I avoid social situations because they exhaust me or because I feel nervous?
• If I could magically remove all fear of judgment, would I want to be more social?
• Do I enjoy alone time because I find it peaceful or because I’m afraid of interacting?

If you avoid people because you’re anxious, that’s shyness.
If you avoid people because you simply prefer being alone, that’s introversion.
If it’s both, you’re likely a shy introvert.

Can Shyness Be Overcome?

If shyness is something that you struggle with, don’t worry—it’s something that can be worked on. Again, it’s not a flaw and it doesn’t have to be seen as something negative. I myself often have many shy moments—it’s normal.

Some people simply accept their shyness, but if you want to build your confidence and feel more comfortable in social situations, here’s what you can do.

Change your mindset

It might be easier said than done but trust me, changing your mindset works wonders. It’s about reframing your thoughts and turning negatives into positives. When around other people, we often feel like we’re being judged and we think too negatively of ourselves, but a simple switch is sometimes all that’s needed. Instead of thinking, ‘I’ll embarrass myself,’ tell yourself ‘People aren’t judging me as much as I think.’

When you switch the negative thought away from yourself and turn it into something more positive, your focus will also shift to something positive and you’ll come across as more open and confident. 

Start small and build up

When trying to overcome your shyness, the last thing you want to do is throw yourself in the deep end and get overwhelmed (although, you’ll probably refrain from doing that anyway.) It’s always best to start small, meaning put yourself in social situations that are low-pressure to begin with. This could be something as simple as giving someone a compliment or making small talk with a cashier. 

Once you feel more confident in those situations, gradually increase your exposure and try seeing if you can push yourself (bit by bit) out of your comfort zone. If a group conversation is too much for you, stick with one-on-one conversations until you find yourself not worrying about or dreading them anymore. 

Practise your social skills

It may seem daunting but the best way to overcome shyness is to practise your social skills. That means practising them with people that you know and are comfortable with. To make things easier, think of things to talk about beforehand, like shared interests or recent events that have happened to you. And the best way to keep a conversation going? Ask questions! 

Find ways to manage any anxiety

If it’s your anxiety that’s holding you back, know that you’re not alone. A lot of people deal with anxiety and it’s not always visible or easy to spot. There are ways to manage anxiety, but remember, if it ever gets too much you can always take yourself out of the situation.

Fake your confidence

Sometimes, you’ve got to fake it till you make it. Acting confident (even if you don’t feel it) can actually help you become more confident over time. Sure, it might take a lot of courage (and confidence!) to be confident but treat it as something fun, like pretending to be a different person.

Be patient with yourself

It’s not about ‘fixing’ your shyness or trying to resolve it overnight—it takes time for small changes to make big differences. The most important thing is to be patient with yourself. 

Understanding Introvertism

Introverts are often misunderstood. We ourselves might not even understand our introvertism and see it as something that holds us back. The truth is, being an introvert isn’t an imperfection and it’s not a choice either. People can’t help being an introvert, in the same way that people can’t help having specific physical qualities. 

Many introverts grow up feeling like they need to change—like they need to be more talkative, more outgoing, or more ‘fun’ to fit in. That shouldn’t be the case. 

What’s important to understand is that introvertism is a personality trait where inner thoughts and ideas are valued far more than our outer actions. We focus more on what happens internally than what happens externally. It’s why we’re not as excited to see people visually like extroverts are, and we don’t need the same stimulation—we’re simply content with our own thoughts.

Introverts vs. Extroverts

If it’s not already clear, introverts and extroverts are on opposite ends of the spectrum, but people often have features of both. They are known as ambiverts. But what makes an introvert an introvert? And what makes an extrovert an extrovert? 

Introverts

• Have a passive nature and are often more reserved and quiet.
• Usually have a small social circle and take longer to form friendships.
• May feel more anxious and uncomfortable around strangers.
• Prefer independent work to teamwork and busy work environments.
• Feel more energised and recharged after having alone time.
• Feel drained after too much social interaction.
• Listen more than they talk and are often very empathetic.
• Are happier in their comfort zone and with stability.
• Process thoughts and experiences deeply.
• Value relationships that are deep and meaningful.
• May favour predictability and like to know what to expect.
• Do not like being the centre of attention.
• Prefer doing calm, relaxing activities and hobbies.
• Do not like small talk.
• Reflect and take time to make decisions.

Extroverts

• Love interaction.
• Are more outgoing, talkative and are social butterflies.
• Usually have a large social circle and find it easy to make friends.
• Are more assertive and often take the lead in situations.
• Are comfortable in social situations and can easily talk to strangers.
• Feel more energised from social activity and spending time with people.
• Like variety and actively seek new experiences.
• Are spontaneous and like the unexpected.
• Will often act on impulse and make spur-of-the-moment decisions.
• Enjoy being the centre of attention.
• Are comfortable in busy work environments and do not get overwhelmed.
• Generally like challenges and putting themselves out there.
• Are excellent at communicating.
• Can easily say how they feel and verbalise their opinions.

There’s no competition between being an introvert or an extrovert and (whilst it may be difficult at times) you shouldn’t favour being more of one than the other. Remember, the sweet spot isn’t being an ambivert either—it’s about being you, regardless of which category you fall in. 

As an introvert reading this guide, know that you don’t have to try and be more extroverted or change who you naturally are to please others. Even if you wish you weren’t so introverted, the first step to feeling happier in yourself is to not care about what other people think and embrace your strengths. 

Embracing Your Strengths as an Introvert

As an introvert you have many strengths—you probably just don’t recognise them, yet. Let’s change that. Now’s the time to realise the strengths you do have, and embrace them. 

You process things deeply 

You’re a deep thinker, and do you know why that’s great? Because you think before you speak; you process things deeply; you take other people’s thoughts and opinions into account—all of which means that when you say something, it’s done with consideration and you truly mean what you say or do.

You always reflect on things

As well as processing things deeply, you do a lot of reflecting. This is shown in the way you focus on your inner thoughts and feelings and take longer to think about something before acting on it. Your reflection is invaluable because you reflect, not only on what you say but on what other people say, and this often means you don’t judge people based on a first impression. Instead you reflect deeply on why someone said something or why they acted a certain way and you’re able to look at the world from different perspectives.

You form meaningful relationships

Introverts can’t make friends for the sake of it—it’s got to mean something to them and bring value to their life. But not only do the friendships you form bring value to you, but you also bring undeniable significance to other people’s lives. You’re the friend that’s always there for everyone—reliable and loyal, no matter what.

You observe and listen to others

One of your greatest strengths is your ability to observe and listen to others—and I mean truly listen to others. You don’t just hear what someone says, you feel it. You don’t just see what someone’s going through, you understand it. It’s why you also always think before you speak. You need to take it all in before deciding what needs to be said.

You’re more self-aware

Your ability to observe and listen to others also makes you highly self-aware. You understand what’s going on around you and you can read people quite well. Whereas an extrovert might unknowingly overlook how a person feels, you can sense it and see it.

Being self-aware doesn’t just mean you understand other people, it also means you have a deep understanding of yourself. You know exactly what’s important to you, the things you want to explore (like hobbies), and the life you want to live.

You have thoughtful conversations

It’s probably quite obvious that you don’t like small talk. Instead your strengths lie in having thoughtful conversations that actually mean something. After a deep conversation, you likely come away feeling like you’ve gained something from it, and it’s likely that you leave a positive impact on the other person as well. 

You’re empathetic

One of the strongest (and most beautiful) qualities of an introvert is their ability to empathise. No matter who it is—stranger or neighbour, friend or family—you can relate to people’s feelings and truly put yourself in their shoes. It’s why you don’t cause much conflict because you’re able to understand the way people are instead of taking their words and actions at face value. 

You have great creativity and focus

Because introverts prefer solitude, and enjoy it, they often find themselves getting very creative and are able to focus on things much easier. Whilst extroverts may have a harder time sitting still and doing a task, you’re more than happy to curl up on the sofa with a book or try out a creative hobby that you can do in the comfort of your own presence. 

You’re a quiet leader

It’s a misconception that extroverts make the perfect leaders because they’re outgoing and assertive, but introverts have many qualities that make them good leaders. The very fact that they’re good listeners, can empathise with people, build strong connections, keep focused (I could go on) are all leadership qualities. Remember, you don’t have to be loud to be a leader. All you have to do is look back at history and realise that the biggest changes often came from the quietest of people.

You’re very independent

Introverts are often very independent because they don’t like to rely on other people. You probably find that you like doing things a certain way or prefer doing them yourself because you know you’ll get it done properly. Your independence also makes you highly self-motivated and able to do things without the input of others or the need for validation. 

You have great attention to detail

Your attention to detail is a greater skill than you think. Instead of overlooking things, you see the finer details and are a lot more thorough in the things you do. You don’t rush and instead concentrate deeply. Consider it a superpower.

You put your heart and soul into everything

You’re not one to do things half-heartedly. When you do something, you always strive to do it to the best of your ability, am I right? The fact that you put your heart and soul into everything shows just how dedicated you are. It’s not always about getting things right but about doing things well. Working hard is definitely something to be proud of. 

Related: The Strengths of an Introvert That an Extrovert Lacks

The Challenges of Being an Introvert

Now that we’ve embraced the strengths of being an introvert, it’s also important to recognise the challenges too. After all, you can’t have a strength without a weakness, but recognising what is challenging is crucial in accepting who you are.

You get lonely

Despite loving your alone time, loneliness does creep in and it can happen when you’re least expecting it. One day you’re completely happy to be sat at home on your own and the next you’re wishing that you had someone there. 

You get overstimulated and feel mentally drained

When you do have social interaction, even if it’s only for a little while, you often find yourself getting overstimulated and feeling mentally drained. And when this happens, you probably think to yourself ‘why am I like this?’ but it’s perfectly normal for an introvert, and it’s perfectly okay. 

You feel judged and misunderstood

In a world where extroverts are seemingly favoured (or at least their traits are), introverts often feel judged and misunderstood. It’s almost as if it’s a misfortune to be an introvert, when that isn’t the case at all. We don’t need people feeling sorry for us, especially when we’re perfectly fine. It’s hard because even though you can understand someone, it doesn’t mean that they will understand you. 

You struggle initiating conversations or carrying them on

One of the challenges that introverts often face is initiating conversation or trying to carry one on. No doubt you feel the dread of being in a group setting or even being left alone with someone you don’t know. Then there’s the awkwardness of not knowing what to say and your mind feels like it’s racing but you can’t think of anything. You can only hope that the other person will say something or that you’ll be able to get out of the situation. 

You overthink

As an introvert, you not only worry about your own thoughts but you also worry about what other people think. Because you think so deeply, you often over-analyse everything and in your head things can become a much bigger deal than what they actually are. What’s important to remember is that in any scenario we’re probably the only ones overthinking it.

You get talked over or interrupted

Ever had that moment when you get talked over or interrupted (whether they mean it or not) and it makes you feel completely invisible or disregarded? I think as introverts we’ve all been there and it does set us back, especially if we’ve been trying to make conversation. 

You dread phone calls

The dreaded phone call. Yes, it really does put us on edge when we hear our ringtone and then see someone’s caller ID flashing up on our phone. And most of the time we just let it ring until it cuts off. Then, cue the text message! Unless it’s from a parent, of course. Those we don’t mind. 

You struggle saying how you really feel

As much as introverts try, it can be a struggle saying how we really feel. We often bottle things up or are worried about putting our emotions onto other people because we care so much. There’s likely been countless times when you’ve wanted to say something but it hasn’t been the right time or you can’t get it out and the moment passes. Or you might say something that’s not entirely true, whether to please someone else or end the conversation, which leaves you later reflecting on what you wished you had said. 

You find yourself making excuses for social events

Another challenge of being an introvert is having to make excuses for social events. No doubt there’s times when you pretend you are excited about going out and then . . . oops, something happens which means you can’t. Or you just outright make up an excuse to save yourself the drama. 

You get called shy

Yes, it’s the word we all hate to hear, especially from someone we don’t know or have just met. And when we hear it, our inner voice goes off, ‘give me time to get to know you and vice versa before you go calling me shy.’ 

Setting Boundaries as an Introvert

Whether you’re an introvert or not, it’s important to set boundaries. The thing is, us introverts may find it harder to do so. Is it because we don’t want to offend people? Probably. Is it because we don’t like conflict? Definitely. But what we need to remember is that it’s about protecting our energy. You can’t always worry about other people—you’ve got to think about yourself and do what’s best for you. 

Boundaries aren’t about cutting people off or putting walls up—they’re about focusing on your needs and making people aware of them. It’s not always easy getting people to understand what you’re okay and not okay with, and you may feel worried about breaking connections, but the best thing you can do is hold your own. 

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Take a look at your current relationships

Before you set healthy boundaries, it’s a good idea to look at your current relationships. Who is there for you? Who understands you? Who is willing to listen and respect your boundaries? More importantly, do you feel valued or get much out of the relationship and does the person make you feel good about yourself? It’s important to realise who is worth being around and who isn’t. If someone drains your energy or doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s probably a good idea to disconnect yourself from them. 

Don’t be afraid of saying ‘no’

It’s definitely easier said than done but the more you learn to say ‘no’ to things, the easier it will become. You don’t have to come outright with the word ‘no’, of course. There are ways of letting people down gently. You could politely decline and say that you’ve got other things going on. You could hint that you don’t enjoy a certain thing, or you can say that you’d rather do something else. 

Remember, saying ‘no’ also means that you can say ‘yes’ when it’s right for you. You don’t have to respond to every text message straight away or attend every event that you get invited to. There will be times when you want to and times when you don’t. You do you. 

Do things on your terms

To help set healthy boundaries as an introvert, start doing things on your own terms rather than on the terms of someone else. If someone wants you to do something, set the rules and do it your way. If loud parties aren’t your thing, suggest a smaller gathering in a quieter setting, perhaps doing something that you enjoy. Don’t feel like you have to do things for other people; feel like you have no choice but to do things for yourself. 

Take a break (mentally and physically)

If you’re in a situation or at a place where you’re starting to feel uncomfortable, you have more than a right to remove yourself and take a break. This goes for mentally too. When you feel too overwhelmed, take a break and let people know about it. You can’t be judged for looking after yourself. 

Communicate your needs

In order to set boundaries, you need to tell people about them. Let people know that alone time helps you recharge—it’s not personal. Help people to understand who you are, what you need, and what helps you. Remember, it’s not about them—it’s about you. 

Finding Yourself

Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you’ve been labelled and put in the same box as every other introvert. You are your own person with your own thoughts and feelings, your own hobbies and interests, and you deserve to discover who you truly are. 

You don’t have to mould yourself into someone you’re not or pretend to be more extroverted than you really are. You’ll find that when you live in alignment with your natural personality, you thrive. 

What you might be wondering is, ‘how do I find myself?’ Well, it’s something that you’ll discover when you do these three things.

Take time to reflect

As an introvert, you’re always spending time in your own head, but how deep do you delve? Do you really think about you or is your mind often occupied with other things? 

Taking the time to reflect on what makes you truly happy, the most energised, and most at peace will help you to uncover your authentic self.

Here are some questions to think about when reflecting:

• What makes me ‘me’?
• What do I value most in life?
• Where is my happy place?
• What kind of person do I want to be?
• What kind of people do I feel most comfortable around?
• What activities make me feel alive and fulfilled?
• What makes me feel drained?

Find meaningful work and hobbies

It’s easy to feel out of place in work environments which naturally reward extroverted behaviour and that can be hard for us. The key isn’t to try and fit into these places and be more extroverted; it’s to find work and hobbies which bring out your strengths and align with your introverted nature. 

Don’t force yourself to do hobbies which will put you too much out of your comfort zone. Allow yourself to thrive doing hobbies where you can completely be yourself and enjoy what you do.

The same goes for careers. Find yourself a career which will bring out the best in you, and one that you’re actually interested in. The careers that often suit introverts are:

• Writers, authors, and editors
• Artists, designers, and photographers
• Freelancers and entrepreneurs
• Researchers and scientists
• Programmers, engineers, and IT specialists
• Therapists, counsellors, and psychologists

Surround yourself with the right people

Finding yourself also means surrounding yourself with the right people because they will bring out the real you. The friendships and relationships you choose will have such an impact on who you are as a person and whether you can be your authentic self. 

• Seek out people who respect your boundaries and don’t pressure you to be more social than you’re comfortable with.
• Build relationships based on depth and not on how much you see someone. Meaningful interactions matter more.
• Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from people who drain you or don’t understand your introverted needs.

Accepting Who You Are

Once you’ve explored who you are and what you need, the next step is self-acceptance. It’s time to let go of the pressure to change and instead embrace the person you are meant to be.

You don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations—you only have to live up to the expectations you set for yourself. Being an introvert is part of who you are. It’s not something that needs to be fixed. The qualities you possess bring so much to the world—without them, life would be chaotic. 

Reframe Your Negative Thoughts About Introversion

Introverts will grow up being told “you need to speak more,” “be more outgoing” or “come out of your shell,” which undoubtedly creates feelings of inadequacy and makes us think negatively about ourselves. But these beliefs are based on extroverted expectations—not reality.

The myth is this: 

“Introverts are antisocial.”

The reality is this: 

No, we just prefer meaningful conversations over small talk. We like to think before we speak, and we usually take a while to open up to someone.

The myth is this: 

“Introverts don’t like people.”

The reality is this: 

We do, but we also need space to recharge.

The myth is this: 

“Introverts are shy.”

The reality is this: 

Anyone can be shy. You just mistake our silence for shyness. The truth is we like to process things from a distance.

The myth is this: 

“Introverts are loners.”

The reality is this: 

We prefer smaller circles and meaningful friendships.

Remember,

• It’s okay to dread small talk and not want to have conversations.
• It’s okay to be quiet around people.
• It’s okay to be a daydreamer and be happy in your own thoughts.
• It’s okay to set personal boundaries.
• It’s okay if you don’t want to go to parties or social events or even be around other people.

These things shouldn’t be seen as negatives. When you stop viewing them as negatives, your mind turns them into positives. Let’s face it, what’s negative about wanting to have your own space, set personal boundaries, or simply focus on yourself?

Let Go of the Need for Approval

You will likely feel the pressure of trying to fit in with what other people see as the social norm, even if it means stepping away from your true self. But here’s the truth: you don’t need anyone’s approval to live your life your way. Let’s emphasise YOUR LIFE and YOUR WAY. 

Ask yourself, are you making decisions based on what feels right to you, or what society expects? If it’s the latter, it’s time to reclaim yourself. Block out the outside noise. Don’t even let a single comment or opinion make you doubt yourself or think twice.

Instead of saying ‘yes’ to things out of obligation, say no without guilt. Instead of pretending to be more talkative than you are, embrace being quiet and the peace it brings you. Instead of feeling like you need to keep up with the social lives of others, realise the importance of going at your own pace. 

When you accept who you are, you’ll see an increase in your self-confidence, you’ll feel less anxious, you’ll be more resilient, and above all, you’ll be happy and fulfilled. 

Thriving as an Introvert

Accepting yourself is just the beginning. Now you can begin thriving—not just surviving—as an introvert.

Create a Life That Works for You

You don’t have to force yourself to adapt to an extroverted world. Thriving as an introvert means creating a life that not only works for you but elevates you.

• Find environments that suit you. If loud offices or social settings drain you, explore remote work or quieter spaces.
• Structure your days to include time for recharging. It’s important that you have time for solitude, so make it a priority, whether it’s in the morning, during breaks, or in the evening.
• Prioritise relationships that energise you. This means spending time with people who actually respect your introversion and encourage you to be who you are.

Use Your Strengths to Your Advantage

You have many strengths as an introvert and you deserve to use them to your advantage in all aspects of your life. 

In the workplace:

• You can use your deep focus to produce high-quality, thoughtful work.
• You can take on projects that fuel your strong independence. 
• You can use your listening skills to understand what people truly need.

In relationships:

• You can make deep, meaningful connections with people who appreciate you.
• You can express yourself in ways that feel natural.
• You can respect your own need for space and communicate it with loved ones.

In your personal life:

• You can use your self-awareness to continuously learn and evolve.
• You can be as creative as you please and engage in hobbies that bring you joy.
• You can build a life that honours you as an introvert and all your needs and wants.

You Are Enough

Something worth remembering is that it’s not about being introverted, extroverted or even ambiverted—it’s about being you. 

Embracing your introverted self is one of the most empowering things you can do. You don’t need to change to fit society’s mould—you are valuable exactly as you are.

• Your quiet nature is a strength.
• Your deep thinking and listening skills make a difference.
• Your need for solitude is not a weakness—it’s self-care.

You are enough—exactly as you are.